f'n windows again! + this computer is a POS. completely OT.

NOTE: this is all completely off topic, just a rant and a few points. nothing interesting, nothing VW related.

OMFG. i'm not the type who chucky explosive tantrums when things don't go my way but right now i want to take this computer out the back for a little meeting with Mr Axe. of course i won't, but thinking about it is kind of satisfying, though it also makes me even more frustrated because i know i can't.

this time it was an hour maybe an hour and a half's worth of thinking and typing. i thought to myself i had better save it before the computer dies and when i went to the thing froze up. i feel like banging my head on the table... it doesn't help that i quit smoking again a week ago plus my wife has been a bit cranky for the last week or so (some might even draw a link between the two :) ) on top of that not working is doing my head in, i need the routine, i need to get out of the house every day plus all the psycological things about being a provider (even though i am employed and getting paid, i just don't have a position to go to yet...) .

it is funny this time quitting smoking has been rather easy, as long as i keep occupied i don't think about it. plus i know i have done it before so not quitting isn't an option, it would just be a) a cop out and b) really stupid. the whole i'm quitting thing is only really apparent to me when something else makes me frustrated, then the whole lot comes crashing down. in a way it reminds me of the pent up tension and hyper focus that i experienced in my miss spent youth dancing the nights away :) . it isn't quite as much fun, but at least it is a lot cheaper and i'm not damaging my health or hearing. 

i'll have another go at typing out my lost post later. so annoying. i was even pleased in a way with the narrative i had going. hmmm...  thinking about what i think about when i write this blog, why i post on this blog and all of the other considerations i make while doing so is a whole other topic that could get a little ponderous. (rather dull/pointless and unnessecceraly introspective too).

i think i'll go to sleep instead. :)